"Well, she was just 17. You know what I mean. And the way she looked is way beyond compare."--The Beatles
The door opens and she walks into the house, no, makes an entrance into the house, all soft-curls and perfectly straight, white teeth, and says in greeting, "Hey". Not the typical teen-age "hey" dedicated to boredom, or disinterest or feigned exhaustion; this "hey" has a more sing-songy, multi-syllabic quality. She has announced her arrival. Each time she breezes into the kitchen reminds me of effervescent champagne bubbles. Sparkles in diamonds. Lights, camera, action.
There are times I look at my daughter and wonder where she came from. She seems to have none of the awkward shyness of her mother at that age. In place of the paralyzing inadequacies of my high school years, I see in her the qualities I always wished I had had. Confidence, contentment with who she is, a general loveliness. How different my life would have been!
She can get up on a stage and perform, or stand in front of a classroom and give a speech without feeling faint. There are exactly, as of this writing, 2,640 pictures of her on her Facebook page. Many of them are those iconic teenage photos that one takes of oneself while holding the camera skyward, at arm's length. It seems to me one snapshot is more beautiful than the next.
Why, then, are there often days when her view of herself is so critical, it pains me to hear it? She's announced plans to get a nose job when she's older. I don't know if that's before, after or at the same time as the chin implant. My response is to roll my eyes at her pronouncements that she isn't good enough or pretty enough the way she is. I don't understand because all I can feel when I look at her is wonderment.
It seems like this is the road our daughters are on, on that trajectory forced on them by the media, by a society which values physical beauty over inner beauty. It's almost impossible for me to find the right words to convince her that she is beautiful enough, smart enough, talented enough.
Then I remember the times when I have felt most beautiful and the most confident. And I have the answer. The answer is this: It's love that makes you beautiful.
I remember once, when I was in my twenties, asking a former boyfriend if he thought I was the most beautiful girl in the world. It was a test that my father taught me. If he said yes, then I would know he loved me. If he said no...well. So I asked him and he replied, "What, are you asking if you are more beautiful than say, Christie Brinkley or Cindy Crawford? Now those women are beautiful!"
Clearly, I wouldn't have considered marrying that one. I did, however, marry the man who does tell me I'm more beautiful than any other woman. He makes me feel like a Victoria's Secret model sometimes! It's love that makes him think so.
There has never been anything more true. You are beautiful to everyone who loves you. Love makes you beautiful, Liv. That's all you need to know, all you need to believe.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2FMtxACKlYM (Watch and learn)
No comments:
Post a Comment